She said, “Do you remember a time when angels?
Do you remember a time when fear
In the days when I was stronger
In the days when you were here”
She said, “When days had no beginning
While days had no end when shadows grew no longer
I knew no other friend but you were wild”
You were wild
you wanna know what the best part is
all those fucking assholes that always say “i dont like superman”
the tag is FILLED with them saying “im not a fan of superman, but this looks really good”
YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT IT DOES YOU MOTHERFUCKERS
STICK THAT IN YOUR BAT-MOUTHS AND CHEW ON IT A WHILE
I can’t seem to mentally keep it together when I get really sick. My body looses it and then my mind shortly follows. I keep feeling like I’m a nutcase but I feel like it happens to everyone with a chronic illness. Its hard.
I know that feeling. I’ve been going down again for a few months now (walking two miles a week to the train station and taking a train to see my now ex-S/O takes it’s toll, apparently) and getting frustrated/angry/scared as I’ve gained a real worsening of symptoms.
I opened up and placed a lot of my trust in my S/O just over two months ago just to sorta say, “Y’know, I’m a little bit low at the moment and I know I haven’t been myself/might not be myself for a bit but I’m doing my best etc” and she’s pretty much gone “HA! FUCK YOU! I don’t need you anymore.”
- She started hanging around with a mutual friend about a month before the above, staying at her house etc. Ironically, this person’s house is closer to town and where her youth work project is in my town. How kind. (To make it worse, this new project is LGBT. She’s going to be talking about her only LGBT experience with youth workers I used to work with, in my town. Ace.)
- “Don’t tell Stitch.” She’s been sleeping in the same bed as someone she almost got with last year and I didn’t know about it until she casually dropped it in conversation. There’s another friend who she works with (who I’ve been replaced with in some ways) who when she stays around my ex S/Os stays on the camp bed in the other room. This other girl stays in the same bed, so what’s different? I asked her not to, at least while we settled back in and these were her words to this other person, after she told me she wouldn’t.
- She got a steady paycheck. Hasn’t taken the train to come see me ONCE when it would only cost her £5. I’ve spent almost £1300 (some from savings) on trains/taxis and taking us out for coffee/food/tickets with the reassurance that things would be more equal once she got paid. Suddenly, she’s got fancy skates/wheels, knee pads but still hasn’t come to see me. That’s EVERYTHING that hasn’t got on rent, utilities, food. I haven’t bought any new clothes/books since… I can’t remember when. I’m on the bare minimum of 3 1/2k a year. I have a phone bill that I’m trying to pay off from calling her in September to see how she was doing.
I’m absolutely devastated. I’m sure you know how stress does it’s thing. I’ve trusted her with everything, let her in (as did my parents and sister) and she sent some things back that were designed to hurt, including things that hurt my parents who were AWESOME to her (they didn’t have to be, especially not my Dad who is still in shock that his daughter is gay).
So, my symptoms are getting even worse as a result of the stress of it all and she’s laughing, pretty much. I’ve never cried so much in my entire life. She gets to skate, work and earn money at leisure (via another mutual friend team mate) while my spasms worsen, the nausea and pain are there 24/7 now, my legs don’t work and I can only leave the house maybe once a fortnight for a very short while now. I was only useful when I paid for everything, when I was the one doing the travelling (on an ME-addled body), when my house was conveniently in the town that her youth project was in (she assumed she’d be staying, didn’t even say “Is it OK with you and your parents if…”. It was flat-out “I’m staying at yours then!”) I don’t see how I’m going to come back from this and I wonder if this will send me into the relapse spiral that might potentially kill me.
Loving the Wrong Person
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.